


Dark, Cold Waters

by SnowFlakeSunSet



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, Loneliness, M/M, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10053146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowFlakeSunSet/pseuds/SnowFlakeSunSet
Summary: Suga texted, Suga called, Suga skyped and these small interactions were the only things keeping Daichi afloat and preventing the dark, cold waters of aching loneliness invading his lungs and swallowing him whole.





	

Daichi had been in love with Sugawara Koushi all his life. How could he not be? Suga was kind and gentle and strong and fierce and teasing and playful and loyal and passionate and cleaver and beautiful and an endless list of other amazing things that made it difficult for Daichi to breath and think clearly. But Suga was never an option for the life he wanted, for the life his parents wanted for him. So Daichi said nothing. He remained silent never mentioning to a soul how completely in love he was. He stood back and said nothing as they went to separate universities, he never let on how lonely he felt. He never told his parents how desperately unhappy he was, he never told them that he cried alone in his dorm room because he had allowed his soul mate to slip away. He hid his unhappiness, his loneliness, his emptiness and put on a brave face with a slightly tight smile that never really reached his eyes anymore. No one noticed. No one knew him well enough to notice. All the people who knew him, really knew him, were scattered around the country, so far away, doing their own things, important things, far too important, Daichi didn’t want to bother any of them. Suga texted, Suga called, Suga skyped and these small interactions were the only things keeping Daichi afloat and preventing the dark, cold waters of aching loneliness invading his lungs and swallowing him whole. He clung to those moments and when Suga came to visit, he clung to Suga as he cried and confessed that he felt like he was drowning all the time. He didn’t say a word about being in love. He just closed his eyes and pretended that Suga wasn’t leaving in the morning, that every day was going to be like this, with Suga close to him, stroking his hair and telling him he wasn’t alone. 

But Suga had to leave, had to return to his university and continue with his life, to grow and flourish into the amazing, stunning person Daichi had always known he would become. Suga was going to change peoples lives, just in little ways, he was going to work with children and he was going to be so good at it that it made Daichi’s chest hurt. He was refreshing and bright and new and those children would be blessed to spend even a moment in Suga’s care. Daichi would give up anything for that opportunity. Except he wouldn’t. He couldn’t throw away his parents love and their pride in him, for being responsible and stable and reliable. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, he was too scared to risk their disappointment to even try and reach out for Suga. But he knew, he just knew that if Suga reached out for him, he would leap at the chance and damn the consequences because being with Suga would be worth any amount of parental disappointment, he just couldn’t be the one he reached first, not if there was even the slightest chance that Suga didn’t want him like that. He couldn’t risk everything. Losing Suga, even the dream of Suga, would kill him. Of that he was completely sure, he would not be able to survive without Suga. 

So Daichi wallowed in his own misery, and he withered. Not physically, he couldn’t play volleyball and physically wither, that would give the game away. No one could ever know how unhappy he was. So what if he became an empty shell of his former self who lived entirely for the brief moments of fleeting conversation shared with his beloved best friend. 

When he returned home for the summer, during his second year of studying, Suga was doing the same thing. Daichi pounced on the opportunity and spent every available second with Suga and Suga seemed just as eager to spend time with Daichi. If his parents noticed anything different about him they didn’t say anything. Suga noticed. Suga held Daichi tightly and encouraged him to re-grow, to reclaim his almost empty shell. Suga’s smile revived the part of Daichi that had been slowly shrivelling away to nothing, the part of him that knew how to be really happy. So when Suga had to return to university a week before he did, Daichi crumbled. His walls fell and the dark waters crashed over him, filling him, covering him, and washing him away. It was just for a moment, but it was long enough for his parents to see, for them to notice the dark all-consuming unhappiness that swallowed their son. Daichi dismissed their concerns and fixed his mask back into place. But they had noticed, they had noticed and they kept noticing. There was no going back now.

***

“Suga? What are you doing here?” Daichi’s heart raced. There was Suga, sat on his bed. waiting for him. Just sat there. He looked sad and serious and worried as he just sat there, real and there and really there. 

“Your parents called me, they’re worried about you Daichi. They’re so worried about you, god, please Daichi you have to tell someone what’s really going on. I know it’s not you work load or even your career path like you’ve been pretending, please Daichi, you need to tell me what’s making you so unhappy.” Suga was stood up now, he hand moved closer to Daichi, he had his hand outstretched, reaching out for Daichi and Daichi leapt. Without a second thought he stepped of the edge of the cliff he had been teetering on for years. Words left his mouth without conscious thought or effort, words he had hidden and supressed for so long, words that revealed everything, every deep dark secret about the life he longed for. He told Suga about his dreams of them living together in a tiny box apartment with hardly enough room to move and being so happy together. He cried as he told Suga how much he wanted them to be together but how afraid he was of disappointing his parents by being anything other than the perfect model son. 

By the time his words had dried out he was curled up against Suga’s chest on his bed, wrapped up tightly in Suga’s arms as they both cried. Suga’s tears were hot as they landed on Daichi’s clenched fist. He was a terrible person, he had made Suga cry, he didn’t deserve to be happy. He should have kept silent.

“You could never disappoint anyone Daichi, not your parents and never me. I was so certain you knew Daichi, I was waiting for you to make the first move, I was waiting for you to be ready. I’m so sorry, so, so sorry that I left you waiting, feeling alone when I, I, when I could have been here with you. I love you, I love you so much.” Daichi let out a soft whimper and pressed closer to his Suga. “I’m never letting you go Daichi. We belong together.” Yes, thought Daichi, his fist clenching round Suga’s shirt. They belonged together, they were made for one another. 

They lay wound round one another all night, drifting in and out of dreams even as the darkness yielded to the dawn. Peace settled in Daichi’s chest for the first time in years as he brushed Suga’s hair out of his face while they lay smiling at each other, not saying a word, not needing to. 

Suga had to leave that morning, He couldn’t be away from his university for long. They parted with teary eyes and long slow kisses. Daichi felt like his soul was ripping in half as he watched Suga’s train pull out of the station. He felt lighter than he had in a long time. The pain was only on the surface. Under the agony of seeing Suga leave, Daichi was repairing, mind, body and spirit. By the time he made it back to his room his phone pinged, excitedly announcing a new message. 

‘I love you.’

Daichi’s face spit into a grin and he cradled his phone to his chest as the three words sank in. The three word he had longed to hear for years, from the person he wanted to hear them from most in all the world. He replied in kind before flopping face first onto his bed. The sheets smelt like Suga. He was happy.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry! I've been feeling down lately and I took it out on my ships.


End file.
